No one had any idea what was laying deep beneath the ice. And, had it not been for the global warming and the melting ice caps, they never would.
The Crypto-zoologists were ecstatic. They crowed that they had been right all along. That if this could be found, then so could all the other creatures they had talked about.
The airy, fairy brigade went next, writing poetry, fawning and making far too many blog posts about how they all knew the world was more beautiful than it was allowed to be.
The one thing that no one could deny, especially after the rigorous testing it had been through, was its authenticity.
A group of scientists had, indeed, dug up a perfectly preserved, if dead, female Unicorn.
Science wrote the papers, reporters took the photos and, computer departments the world over programmed simulations and suggested how it would have looked in the wild.
But it was Big Business that took the initiative, and patented its DNA.
There was a gap in the market and they intended to fill it.
***
Six months after the discovery the first factory farm opened. Not a petting zoo, or an ecological establishment. The unicorns were grown in vats and raised for slaughter.
No one knew a thing until the first product hit the streets.
Uniburgers were the first line of gourmet fast food. Mass produced, cheap(ish) and delicious. U-nuggets were next – smaller, bite sized, and perfectly marketed.
Enquiries into the farming practices started about the time Uni-Foal was released – made from the most fattened, milk injected young. There was a minor outcry. The public couldn’t get their heads round eating such a beautiful animal.
Well…not until they tasted it.
The hides were used for all manner of clothing. Unicorn boots and matching hats were seen on all the catwalks and Foal Skin gloves were the must have item for Christmas. In an amusing irony, the horn turned out to be a natural aphrodisiac. Viagra went put out of business 18 months after the public was invited to “Get the Unicorn Horn.”
There was a core of activists that demanded rights for the animals but, as the companies pointed out, they weren’t animals – they were vat grown, genetic products. The lawyers got as fat on that case while the public got fat on Unicorn meat.
As expected, other companies followed suit. Panda, Tiger, and Polar Bear, all long dead, reappeared on the public’s plate.
Three years after its creation, Brian Douglas, Head of UniCorp, was voted Man of the Year. His interview was uninspiring – a CEO trying, and mostly failing, to be appealing. The cover, however, went down in history.
Douglas sat, shoveling Uni-Foal into his mouth. Beneath, his most famous quote:
“Who knew? It doesn’t taste like chicken.”
