Austin clung to a gas pipe and shimmied along it.
He had crept through Zarkophski’s lair, avoiding all confrontation to ensure he had enough bullets to take his old enemy out.
He followed the pipe to Zarkophski’s room, dropped silently behind the two guards stationed outside the room and took them out with a snap of their necks.
Zarkophski’s room was the same as it always was. Roaring fire, huge throne like chair, red upholstery. God, it was so tacky. And Zarkophski would be, as always, in his chair – a glass of brandy in his hand.
“Nice room, Zarkophski. Where’d you shop? Villains R Us?” Austin spat out a short laugh.
A toilet flushed somewhere behind him and he span round to see his arch enemy coming out, a newspaper under his arm.
“Ah, Austin.” He checked his watch. Pocket, of course. “You seem to be early. Wait – you didn’t kill anyone this time, did you? Oh that was a good plan.” Zarkophski crossed to a small bar. “Drink?”
Austin pulled out two uzis and let rip. From beneath his dressing gown, his old adversary pulled a small device – grey, with a single red flashing light – which he threw.
Austin tried to dodge.
Badly.
***
Austin clung to a gas pipe and shimmied along it.
He had crept through Zarkophski’s lair, avoiding all confrontation to ensure he had enough bullets to take him out.
Austin paused. Why did he think he’d need to conserve his ammo?
He followed the pipe to Zarkophski’s room, pausing only to pick up a medical box. Dropping silently behind the two guards he took them out with a snap of their necks and burst in.
Zarkophski’s room was the same as it always was. Roaring fire, huge throne like chair, red upholstery. God, it was so tacky. And Zarkophski would be, as always, in his chair – a glass of brandy in his hand.
“Nice room, Zarkophski. Where’d you shop? Villains R Us?” Austin spat out a short laugh.
“Again?” Austin span round to see his nemesis in a small kitchen, with an entirely different decor. It looked like a standard canteen kitchen, except there was a huge mirror on the wall. Austin jumped up and down in front of it before turning to face his old enemy…making a cup of tea. He was wearing bunny slippers.
“How many weapons do you have, Austin?”
Austin cycled through all ten of his weapons, from a knife to an enormous rocket launcher. “I see….look in the mirror and do that again. Where are these weapons, exactly. Because you don’t seem to be carrying any. I mean – was that a … was it a rocket launcher?”
Austin nodded.
“You’ll be needing need ammo for that. Where do you carry it?”
Austin stuttered, then squared his chest, set his jaw and announced. “Enough, Zarkophski. You’re going down.”
Zarkophski stared at his attacker in disbelief. The silence grew uncomfortable. “Yes.” He replied. “Well, moving swiftly on. You turned down a drink last time, so I’ll come straight to the point.” He took a deep breath.
“Austin – why do you always fight me?”
“Because you’re an evil man!” Austin stabbed a finger in Zarkophski’s direction.
“Yes – but, surely you should have caught me by now, or even killed me.”
“You’re a tricky one. But you won’t escape me this time.”
Zarkophski shook his head, his fingers holding the bridge of his nose. “Let’s try that again.” The arch villain rubbed his chin an-
“No. Nonono. I’m not an arch villain. This it the whole point.”
Austin stared. “Of course you are. You’re…wait, who were you talking to?”
“You’re not hearing the narration?” Zarkophski sighed. “Listen. You’re not real. I’m not real. I think we’re in a game.”
“Do you think I’m going to fall for something like this, Zarkophski? How stupid do you think I am?”
“This is the third time that you’ve been here, in this room, today. Haven’t you wondered why I’m not in my battle gear? I’m not doing this anymore, Austin. I don’t even know you. All I know is that I fight you all the time. But it’s over.”
Austin pulled a shotgun. “You’re not going to blow me up this…” His voice faltered.
“See?” Zarkophski smiled. “How did you know that I blew you up?”
Austin stepped closer. “It doesn’t mean a thing.” He needed to be close for maximum damage using the –
“Enough with the narration! And don’t think you’re going to blast me with the shotgun.” Zarkophski laughed “God, I’m hearing voices. Maybe I’m just going mad.”
“Losing your crime family is enough to make anyone mad.” Austin’s smug voice suddenly sounded hollow. “Wait…I haven’t killed anyone. I came here. I started by hanging on a pipe.” He looked up into the barrel of a handgun. “You’ve pulled a gun.”
Austin looked up into the barrel – “Jesus, you hear that all the time?”
Zarkophski nodded. “You have to stop. I’m not doing this anymore. Good Luck, Austin.”
Zarkophski, Austin’s nemesis and greatest crime lord that ever lived, pulled the trigger. And that health pack wasn’t going to help him now.
***
Austin clung to a gas pipe and shimmied along it.
He had crept through Zarkophski’s lair, avoiding all confrontation to –
The building was empty. There were no guards, nothing at all. Austin dropped to the floor, his landing echoing up the corridor. He had a terrible feeling about this.
He burst into an empty room. The one where Zarkophski’s should have been. All that was left was a small table and a cassette recorder.
Austin pressed the play button. The voice of his neme- “Stop. Just let me listen.”
“Austin. I figured the best way for you to see this was not to be here. You need to find yourself something to do. I’ve been thinking about this since I worked it out. I want to open a cafe. I like people, and I’m good at coffee. I don’t know what you’re going to do – or how long it’ll take you to work out, but I wish you luck. Oh – one more thing. You can turn the narration off. There’s an option menu. I could access it my concentrating on the lower back section of my head, maybe that’ll work for you too.”
Austin stared at the tape player. What did it all mean? Was this part of a new ploy? He paced the room as he thought. No. It was more like he was concentra-